A typical conversation with a Pakistani Pizza Hut employee, word for word.

Lahore, Pakistan

Where are you from?


Oh! America!?! I have America in my veins! (Points to his arms) Where in America?- Big Apple, City of Angels, The Lone Star State, Sunshine State? (getting excited)


Oh! Like New York City! What is your name?


Bob, tell me, in the Big Apple everybody is so busy, much crowds, with no free time. Ha, Ha! Have you been to New York City, Bob? Is it so busy? In Lahore, we have much free time! Ha!

-Yeah, it’s pretty busy

(Lowering his voice) It’s running through my veins, Bob. I can feel it. I watch the movies, Bob. It is like the movies, America, yes, Bob?

-Sort of

And Las Vegas! This is very magical place, yes, Bob. There is much freedom and lights there, yes. (His questions have turned into statements ((this always happens))


Bob, have you been to Miami Beach? Tell me Bob, I am thinking that they are not wearing clothes, anyone, at Miami Beach. Ha Ha!

-Just a little bit of clothes

Yes, clothes for name’s sake! Ha! Bob I am thinking of a good idea- at the seaside’s edge, at Miami Beach, you make kissing with woman, and then you go for a swim. And then you make kissing WHILE YOU ARE SWIMMING!!

This is tasty, yes? A very enjoyable idea, yes?

-Yeah, sure. (getting impatient for my pizza; my order has not been taken yet)

Bob, come with me! (takes my hand and leads me to the back.) You meet my boss! This is my friend, Bob- he is from America! (I am introduced to a man with a clipboard)

Oh! America. (awkward silence) Wow! You have nice body! What do you do to get this? You are lifting weights? Lift up your shirt, I need to see your abdominals! Please, Bob.

(Officially creeped out; I leave Pizza Hut)